It's a new year, a new page in my book of life.
As I grow older, I reflect on the past more. Besides remembering the good things, I ask myself "What have I learned?" Those who know me best know that I am deeply religious. Yes, I believe in God. I am a Christian. Many people now'days have a problem with that, for these are the Last Days, being brainwashed against a Creator when it is so logical and obvious. What those-who-don't-believe don't know is that some of us actually KNOW, more than hope or trust. We've had proof given to us in our lives in a personal way. It is undeniable. Make your excuses as to why I'm wrong or foolish, but in the end we all shall know the truth for death will be the educator. When our body rots in the earth or turns to ash, our spirit/soul with our mind's knowledge and memories continue on. Enough said on that for now. I won't force my opinions on anyone, and I expect the same respect in return. It's our freedom of choice.
As I grow older, my family circle shrinks even though the family itself grows larger. It's difficult to stay connected. My immediate family is changing and my siblings are disconnected. It's also dwindling as the older ones die off (a fact of life), hopefully from old age (but never count on it). I'm turning 65 in a couple of months. I was married for almost 1/3 of my life, flying solo the rest. . .but not by preference. I'd rather not be. I didn't plan on that, but let's face it, I'm not very trusting and either too picky or undesirable -- probably a combination of all three. I'm still dealing with resentment issues regarding the marriage dissolution and broken family. One never truly heals. It was detrimental to the children, but how can a mother undo that pain and confusion? I've tried, but the damage was done.
As I grow older, I have relaxed my expectations and my perfectionism. I've tried to anyway. It was a stress issue. Die of a heart attack or learn to chill out. Chilling here.